The Late, Great Bill Hicks on Gays in the Military

"Anyone...DUMB ENOUGH...to want to join the military, ought to be allowed in."

Lewis Black on Hanging With Chimpy

"I should have known earlier about George Bush...but, I gave him some rope. A lot of rope, actually, and then he hung all of us with it."

Marc Maron on Republicans and Evolution

"Real Republicans believe in evolution...they are absolutely sure that the poor will adapt to whatever shit they put them through."

Bill Maher on the Idiocy of the 2004 Campaign

"When homophobia trumps terrorism as an issue...wow, this country needs to get laid."

Lewis Black on How to Implement Corporate Reform

"If you have a company...and it can't explain...in ONE sentence...what it does...it's illegal."

Bill Maher on Abu Ghraib

"Abu Grab-Ass Prison was the Muslims' worst nightmare--that we would invade an Arab country and there would be pictures of our hillbilly women pointing at their wieners."

The Late, Great Bill Hicks on Democracy

"Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control."

Doug Stanhope on Returning to Normal After 9/11

"Right after 9/11, the government said we should all go back to doing what we were doing before.

"So, I've gone back to thinking that George Bush is a soft-headed tit who is a danger to us all."

Lewis Black on the Run Up to Chimpy's War

"I knew Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction and I was just sitting at home on my fucking couch!"

Bill Maher on Chimpy's War

"Only George Bush could launch a war for oil and not get any."

The Late, Great Bill Hicks on Evolution

"Have you ever noticed that those people who believe in creationism look REALLY unevolved?"